


Words

by Akiko_Natsuko



Series: Reaper76 [25]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Broken Promises, Death, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-08-01 02:49:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16276403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: Words have power, Jack had always known that...he just never realised how powerful words left unspoken could be, until it was too late to say them.





	Words

Words.

    Words were what Jack was supposed to be good at, or rather what he had been good at. Certainly, there had been people there shaping what he was to say in Press Conferences, people whose sole job was to put words in his mouth, and there were rules. Rules that dictated exactly what could be shared with the public, what could be said in meetings and to whom, and how he was supposed to differentiate between his superiors and agents. However, despite all those external influences Jack had been the one to say the words, to shape them into something more than lines on a piece of paper, to give them meaning and emotion that would reach his audience.

It was Jack who gave those words power.

    Gabriel called it his charm, or rather he had, teasing him as they watched a press conference he had given earlier that day, bringing an originally hostile crowd around to his side. Gabriel had laughed, telling him that he could probably charm birds out of the trees if he really put his mind to it, tugging at his hair, back when it had been a bright gold and calling him a Princess. The taunt had always made Jack think about the Princesses in the films that Fareeha always begged them to watch with her whenever they watching her, and Jack could remember how he had doubled over with laughter at the mental image that had produced, imagining his large frame crammed into a dress whilst he sang to an assortment of wild animals.

   He remembered pulling Gabriel closer, still laughing at the image even as he pleaded with him not to tease him. Unable to resist adding mischievously that as long as he could charm Gabriel he was content, feigning offence when Gabe had paused as thought to consider whether he was charmed or not, before he had relented and kissed him, whispering ‘anytime’ in his ear.

    Those had been happier times, easier times, when the words had come easily to them. They had understood each other without doubt or hesitation, never looking for messages that weren’t really there, and didn’t try to use words that would hurt. That would wound.

That had been a long time ago.

     There were times now when Jack could scarcely remember those days, feeling as though they had belonged to another lifetime, or that it had been little more than a fleeting dream. He wasn’t sure when the dream had shattered, many of the pieces buried beneath the reality of a world that was still tearing itself apart even after the end of the Omnic Crisis. Other pieces had been crushed beneath the distance that had crept in between him and Gabriel when he hadn’t been looking. All he knew was that it felt as though every exchange of words deepened the chasm between them, even when he tried desperately to bridge it, using words that had meant something to them before, it only seemed to make things worse. He had fought for so long, days becoming weeks and weeks becoming months, and eventually he had stopped, for the first time in his life he had given up. The words had shrivelled and died, trapped behind walls of duty and exhaustion, hidden beneath masks and distant looks.

Then Gabriel had died.

     He hadn’t died in a blaze of glory like they had spoken of back in their SEP days, back when death had loomed constantly over them. They had whispered about it late at night, curled around one another as they rode out the latest effects of the serum, trying to hide from the awareness of the increasingly empty rooms around them, of the men and women who had disappeared into the infirmary and never reappeared. During those days death had been an almost physical presence between them. It had been all they’d had to hope for, a death in battle, dying for a reason rather than because their bodies had failed them in this godforsaken place. It was a wish they had continued to cling to throughout the worst of the Crisis, the danger of dying in SEP now behind them, but now replaced with a fear of dying in the devastated camps and cities before they were able to liberate them, before they could make a difference. Dying before they were able to see the end of the hell that was the Crisis.

    No, Gabriel had survived all that and worse, only to be stolen away from Jack whilst he had been off base on leave. Killed in a car accident on his way back to base. Dead at the scene, not even his enhancements had been enough to give him a get out clause this time. Jack hadn’t believed it when the news had first reached him, had refused to believe it even when people he had trusted had told him the news, because it just wasn’t possible. Gabriel couldn’t be dead.

   He couldn’t be dead, because there was too much left for them to say, too many words left unspoken between them that had been building up and up despite his best efforts. Jack had even been planning to corner Gabriel when he returned, to dive into that tangled mess of words, because despite everything that had had happened and how everything seemed to be falling apart around them, he had believed that there was still a way to fix it. That there was a way to fix them, because any other outcome was unfathomable when he still felt the same warmth blossom in his chest whenever he looked at Gabriel, and when the mere thought of losing him was enough to leave him feeling like he had been plunged into ice.

Only there hadn’t been time, there hadn’t been a way to fix things, because the news hadn’t been a lie.

    It had only been when he had seen Gabriel laid out in the morgue, when his shaking fingers had brushed against cold skin and he had seen the still chest. The same chest that had shook with laughter beneath him so many times before, that had been his pillow on the longest nights and had held the heart he’d once thought would be his for ever. The heart that he’d believed would come back to him, if only he could find the right words.

And he had broken, shattered right there and then in the morgue, falling to his knees beside Gabriel’s body.

    He had little to no memory of the days that had followed. There was a vague awareness that he was never completely alone, that there was always someone following him or sitting with him when he stopped his aimless wandering, and idly he wondered what they thought he was going to do. Behind the blankness, he also questioned what he was going to do. He couldn’t work, couldn’t bear to be in his office which had still been full of photos of the two of them, because he had never given up on them, and he had used to stare at those pictures reminding himself of what he was fighting for. He couldn’t be in his quarters that had never felt like home since the moment that Gabriel had moved out, knowing that everywhere he looked there would be more memoires, more last chances. He had taken to sleeping, if you could even call it that, in a spare office when he could or on Fareeha’s bed when Ana caught him and insisted on taking him home, happy to share her own bed with her daughter if it meant that he was safe and with them.

    There was an inquiry, because even death couldn’t be simple nowadays. Ana had tried to shield him from it, but even Jack had been caught up in the questions and the search for answers. Had Gabriel been deliberately targeted? Was it because of who Gabriel was…had been? Or because of his relationship with Jack, which had long since ceased to be a secret, if it had ever been? Jack had no answers for them, he had no answers for himself, because he honestly didn’t know. Hell, he hadn’t even known that Gabriel had gone to visit his family. He had known that Gabriel wasn’t on base, because he had gone to seek him out to try and… he wasn’t even sure what he had been trying to do now, not that it mattered anymore. He had just assumed that Gabriel was in the field again and fled the empty office, although not without noticing that there had still been one picture of the two of them on the cluttered desk, and it had given him a tantalising spark of hope that his efforts to fix things weren’t always going to be one-side.

It didn’t matter anymore.

     He had been numb when it had finally been declared that Gabriel Reyes’ death had been an accident. A chance of fate. Deep down there had been relief that it hadn’t been because of him, and that it hadn’t been the dark side of the job coming back to haunt them. However, there had also been anger. A raw fury that had him tearing the office he had sought refuge in apart, because it shouldn’t have happened.

    With that announcement they could finally lay Gabriel to rest, and suddenly Jack found himself surrounded by people. Everywhere he went he would encounter friends old and new, people who had known Gabriel and love him too, and whilst he was awed to see how much Gabriel had meant to so many people, he was envious. A deep, seething jealously. Because these people could talk about Gabriel with ease, sharing stories about what he had been up to over the last few months, a life that Jack knew little about. People who were suggesting what Gabriel would want for his funeral, and as much as he hated to admit it, Jack knew that they probably had a better idea than he did, because they hadn’t let that horrible, creeping distance to form between and, so he retreated. Hiding himself away from the world, burying himself in silence, because the only words he had to say now were for Gabriel, and now there was no one left to hear them.

    It wasn’t that easy to retreat though, and he was never allowed to hide for long. It had been Ana who had hunted him down, insisting that he had to say something at the funeral, her face lined with grief and a hint of fear that he didn’t fully understand until she reached for him. One hand resting on his arm, she told him a soft voice that he needed to do this, that he had to face this, that he needed to find a way to separate himself from the loss before he destroyed himself. It was only then that he had realised that the fear was for him, for the way he was acting, for the silence and despite the guilt that had welled up at that realisation, he had promptly refused and fled. Because he didn’t deserve that release. He didn’t deserve to say the words that he should have said long ago when Gabriel was still there to hear them.

    However, despite his refusal, when the day of the funeral came, he found himself allowing Ana to guide him to the front of the hall, numb to the audience watching them, his gaze locked on the casket. On Gabriel. He was so close, and Jack’s fingers itched and ached to reach out, just as they had so many times over the last few months, back when he had wanted nothing more than to reach out and pull Gabriel back across the chasm to his side. It hurt, and his hands curled into fists at his side as he let Ana turn him to face everyone, leaning up to kiss him on the cheek and murmur encouragement in his ear before slipping away, leaving him alone next to Gabriel. He stared out at all the people who had come to say farewell to Gabriel, seeing none of them as he struggled to find the words, to find something, anything that he could say to these people who weren’t Gabriel.

“Gab… Gabriel.” He couldn’t use ‘Gabe’ here, not in front of all these people, many that he wasn’t even sure that he knew. Gabe had been the name used in the privacy of their room when they were curled around one another, murmured against heated flesh late at night, or whispered desperately after a mission gone wrong. Gabe was for them, for him, Jack amended, throat closing as he glanced towards the casket. “He…” The words wouldn’t come. How could they? He had never said what needed to be said, not when it could have fixed things, not when it would’ve made a difference. Not when Gabriel had been there to here them and he choked, breath catching as everything welled up at once.

Too little, too late…

    His vision was blurring now, tears and his inability to catch his breath leaving him teetering on the edge of falling apart completely and he was only distantly ware of the worried whispers from the audience and the glimpse he caught of Ana rising from her seat. He shook his head, heart hammering as he clawed at his chest. He had to say something. He owed Gabriel that much, but there was bile rising at the back of his throat and he felt as though he might be sick if he even attempted to speak, and he ducked his head, not wanting anyone to see his weakness. To see the same weakness that had destroyed them, only to find the world narrowing down to the simple bad on his finger, to the ring that had never once left his finger, even on the days when they had done nothing but tear strips from one another and he had started to think they couldn’t fix things.

    The same ring that Gabriel had slipped onto his finger the day that the Crisis had ended, tears in his eyes when a wordless Jack had nodded and let him slide it home, before kissing him and whispering ‘always’ in a voice that had trembled with emotion. It had been a promise. A promise for a future that they had both thought they were never going to get until that moment. A promise that had slipped between their fingers, lost to silence and the exchange of angry words, and yet Jack had still clung to that promise, always keeping it in the back of his mind, dreaming about that future even as everything had fallen apart.

“Gabriel was…” He tried again, voice barely audible even to himself as he slowly lifted his head, tearing his gaze away from the ring, unashamed of the tears on his cheeks as he thought to continue. “He was everything.” He couldn’t look at them, couldn’t bear to see their pity and instead his gaze sought out the casket beside him, imagining that Gabriel was the only one who could hear him, refusing to let himself look away as he forced out the last few words. “A-and he always will be.”

_I should’ve said this to you before…_

_You are everything…_

_Always were…_

_Always will be…_

_I’m sorry…_

_I love you._


End file.
